I Have A [Updated, Revised] Dream

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you, my friends, we have the difficulties of today and tomorrow.

I have a dream that one day, little black boys and little white boys will stand side by side, quoting gangsta rap with their pants sagging down below their asses.

I have a dream that the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will both use words like mackin' and playa hater.

I have a dream that blaxploitation remakes such as Shaft, starring Samuel L. Jackson, will skew surprisingly well with teens in Greenwich, Connecticut.

I have a dream that one day, my little children will live in a nation where they will be judged not by the color of their skin but by their crossover potential.

This will be the day when all God's children will be able to say, "Let freedom ring!"

Let freedom ring from every cash register of Niketown and every aisle of licensed Kangol distributors!

I have a dream that one day down in Alabama, a state sweltering with heat and oppression, stiff-assed white CPAs will own sneakers bearing the name of an African-American athlete.

And with this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discord of our nation into a beautiful symphony of mad bling-bling.

With this faith, we will be able to consume together. To buy CDs together at Virgin Megastores. To go to the Sony multiplex together. And to dis our parents without them understanding what we are saying.

This will be the day when artists with names like Sean "Puffy" Combs and Jay-Z will buy houses in the Hamptons and sample Led Zeppelin songs without losing credibility.

This will be the day when, on each and every reality show, there will be at least one, and possibly even two, African-American contestants who will humiliate themselves alongside their white brethren, allowing them to launch possible acting or music careers, or at least get agents.

This will be the day that, on the corner of 125th Street and Lenox Avenue, in the very heart of Harlem, there will be a Starbucks that charges $4.89 for a mocha latte, permitting black men to be ripped off just as badly as white men.

I have a dream that all of God's children, those who are white and those who are black, those who like rap and those who prefer hip-hop, those who say dope and those who say phat, those who love Eminem and those who are partial to Dr. Dre, those who use the term bitch and those who use ho, will be able to join hands and say, "Mainstream at last, mainstream at last, thank God almighty, we are mainstream at last."